Today has been a great day for me do you know why? Nope, I didn’t receive an award of recognition nor did I earn millions of dollars. I finally decided to take responsibility for my happiness. You know these days when bad things that are related happen in a row?
That is exactly what happened to me this morning when I went to the gym I spotted myself wondering if that other girl didn’t say hi because she was pissed u at me or doesn’t like me. I started getting frustrated and sad for no reason! I started reading Gabrielle Bernstein’s book called” the universe has your back”. A great read that helps me to be more in sync with myself. I went back to my “old fear stories” as she would call them. Fear stories are those that we had to go through in the past and were painful. Those fear stories are the lens we use to look at the present.
Be aware of your fear stories
The first step is to realize that you are making yourself suffer. That other person may simply be going through a bad day or doesn’t talk to you because you are simply not close friends and that is fine 🙂
Then, I watched a video of Stefan James (I am kind of fan I have been watching all of his videos for 2 weeks in a row now haha O.O). He talked about what he learned from Tony Robbins (fan of him too x3):
There is a happy state and a pain state. Our goal is to raise our basal (normal day to day) state to be the happiest possible.
If you think that reaching all of your goals, having a Lamborghini, 20 millions of dollars or 1 M fans on Instagram will give you that happiness, unfortunately, it won’t cut it for the LONG TERM.
Shift from outside joy to intrinsic joy
We need to look for joy through our heart and soul instead. It applied for any kind of situation and even for love relationships. I kid you not, on the same day that I had that joy/happiness revelation, I stumbled upon Will Smith’s Instagram story, he talked about a discussion he had with his wife about “what love is”. Jada replied to Will: ” You can’t make a person happy”. They ultimately found out (Will and Jada Pinket) that happiness comes from within not from the partner.As Will said, “You can make a person feel good, but whether he is happy or not is totally out of your control”.
On a final note, whether it is your friend, boyfriend or husband even a family member, what Will says still stands: ” We are two completely separate people, on 2 separate individual journeys but decided to walk together.My Happiness is my responsibility.” Last but not least, “Present to each other already happy not begging with empty cups out to demand the other to fill the cup”.
To conclude …
To conclude, don’t put your joy and happiness responsibility into the hands of someone else. Only you should be in charge. It doesn’t mean that external things and people can’t make you happy it certainly does but it is temporary and may have to go through up and downs if you always wait for external validation and care from others.
What can we learn from this? Simply that it is better to focus on our mindset than to base our happiness on external events.
Travelling, getting the car or home of your dream will definitely give you pleasure, but what is next? After a while, it will be the norm for you and you will start looking for something else.
It is actually tightly linked to goal setting, setting SMART goals is great but it should be the milestones that get you to your vision. Happiness doesn’t have to be delayed, let’s be happy now!
I have a challenge for you, today when someone gets upset at you or does something that upsets you and you start feeling negative thoughts or a compulsive reaction coming, stop yourself for a few seconds, and take a more rational/positive stand.
The person may be tired, exhausted, he may have heard some bad news or is simply in his own head and didn’t think much about what he told you (for him it was for fun). You will realize that we take people’s actions too personally. I am talking about myself too, I have been making myself miserable by thinking that everything is about me, but it is truly not!
Is happiness part of your vision? If so, what makes you happy currently? How will implement the tips in this article? any additional tips?